LONDON, UK - (@TheComedyNews) - Prince William and Kate Middleton have announced their plans for their honeymoon following their marriage this weekend.
"We're going to spend a week in London, and another week being tourists around the rest of England," announced Middleton, with her husband-to-be by her side. "I've lived here my whole life, but have never ever condescended to the level of appreciating the famed tourist attractions of my home country."
The royal couple plans to start their honeymoon at the location of the ceremony, Westminster Abbey. The 90-minute audio tour will include architectural facts about the gothic church, as well as a walk-by of the internment sites of Queen Elizabeth, Charles Dickens, Jane Austen, and Charles Darwin.
"I really want to take a photograph of me sitting in King Edward's Chair, but I don't think William will let me. He always scorns me for being too much of a tourist," scoffed Middleton, while brandishing her new fannypack and sun visor. "And then, I want to take a picture next to the Big Ben clock tower."
William expects Kate to learn on the tour that Big Ben refers to the bell behind the clock at the Palace at Westminster, not the clock.
"I'm most excited for a visit to Wembley Stadium," Prince William smiled as he revealed further plans of their honeymoon. "I haven't been to Wembley since Daddy [Prince Charles] took [Prince] Harry and I to see WWE's Summerslam back in 1992. Mom didn't go, however. She was a WCW fan."
Other events on the honeymoon itinerary will include taking lots of new 'profile pics' for facebook at Stonehenge, and several nauseating pictures of the two of them inside a red telephone box.
The honeymoon will conclude with a quick seminar at Oxford University. Prince William and Kate will be taking a three-hour course on the standard units of measurement in preparation for their upcoming move to Los Angeles where they plan on getting divorced in June.
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