BREAKING NEWS: In the wake of the CIA's killing of Al Qaeda leader, Osama bin Laden, the United States Transportation Security Administration has vowed to keep up the fight against the threats posed by shampoo and toothpaste bottles of travelers.
"Now that Osama bin Laden has been killed, Colgate and PertPlus have each moved up a spot in the rankings of the largest threats to national security," an official said.
No word yet on the future of racially-motivated, irrational, and borderline illegal enhanced physical pat-downs.
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