33% of Opening Week Football Fans "Don't Give A Shit" About New Divisions: Leaders & Legends
MIDWESTERN USA - (
@TheComedyNews) -A Poll released today finds that all Big Ten Conference football fans either don't know the new division names in the now 12-team conference, or just don't give a shit.
The poll was conducted over this past opening week of college football at Big Ten stadiums throughout the Midwest. Random fans were asked,
"What are the names of the new six-team divisions in the Big Ten Conference?"
The results (as seen in the pie graph on the right) show that there is not a single Big Ten football fan that knows what the divisions in the conference are.
And what exactly do Big Ten football fans think the conference divisions are named?
21% - Labias & Lesions
18% - Libya & Lobbyists
15% - Ladies & Gentlemen
33% - I don't give a shit.
11% - "Go Blue!"
LEADERS & LEGENDS
Dividing schools up into two divisions is a new concept for the Big Ten conference. The division names, Leaders & Legends, were released in 2010 in the wake of Nebraska joining the Big Ten to bring the total number of teams in the conference to an even twelve.
Big Ten officials refuse to confirm that the two words were lifted straight out of the University of Michigan's fight song. Officials also refuse to confirm that "Leaders & Legends" were purposefully selected to be an arrogant put-down against conferences that dare to condescend to divide their teams up using geographic monikers (North, South, East, and West).
Pollsters did encounter their fair share of harassment. Below is a list of other commonly heard responses to the question,
"What are the names of the new six-team divisions in the Big Ten Conference?"
"I know it starts with an L, but I REALLY REALLY REALLY have to do this 3-story beer bong. It's like, tradition, man!" (Madison, Wisconsin)
"I-O-W-..." (Iowa City, Iowa)
"Can't we just skip this test and start basketball season 2 months early?" (East Lansing, Michigan)
"The better question is, why the hell isn't Joe Paterno talking about
his starring role in the Academy Award-nominated film, 'Up'?" (University Park, Pennsylvania)
"If you know what the division names are, you hate freedom, you hate America and you want the terrorists to win. GO BUCKEYES!" (Columbus, Ohio)
"Hail to those motherf---..." (Ann Arbor, Michigan)
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